The Pleasure Principles

Passion Chronicles #3

I lay awake at night counting the hours of sleep I lose over you because I just can’t seem to let it go. Am I smitten? Maybe just dumb. All I know is I’m feeling out on a limb like Teena Marie.

Could it be you don’t recognize my existence? Or possibly you’ve moved on after all this time but no one has heart enough to tell me the truth.

I love you. Is that too hard for you to understand? For years I thought maybe I wasn’t good enough for you – but no, I deserve you. Actually, do you even deserve me?

See what happens when you leave me alone too long with my own volative thoughts? They conjure the craziest, yet plausible, scenarios. It just leaves me wondering what all of this waiting around is for?

If I’m here and you’re there, how do we connect these dots?

Valentine

I took the knife to my wrist and cut across it slow and steady. Yes, it stung, it hurt; and as I looked closer I realized out poured all the words I was too scared to say to you all those years ago.

A love letter coursed through my veins for you; I bled the reality of you and I….

The Letter

The anticipation eats away at me:
I don’t know how you will react when you read those words.
Those words that I wrote for you in a love letter,
Enclosing my heart inside the seal that I kissed.
Placing a forever stamp on the envelope
Because that is where you will be in my heart –
Along with all our memories.
It’s been so long since last I saw you.

Far too often I catch myself wandering in the distance
Of thoughts consisting of you, and only you.
I debate whether or not you think of me this way.
I feel manic –
A bit obsessed –
I just can’t seem to get you out of my head.

I wrote that love letter at least 1,000 times.
Took me 13 years to finally come to terms with the truth;
Yes, I love you.
I torture myself over and over
Wondering have I missed the opportunity
Or if you’d even remember…me?

Surely you can’t be
The same person I knew so long ago.
I know I’ve changed –
I wonder if you’d even like the new me?

Each line of my letter is a heart string
That plays a specific melody for
Every year that we could have been together;
Just you and me.
I wanted you to be swept away in adoration
And truly see the tenderness of my love.
You are the epitome of my desire;
The gift I’m now longing to keep.
I didn’t realize it then, but I am aware now
That all I have ever wanted
Was to live in your arms.