Back To Love

Is there someone who lingers on the end of every thought, fills your dreams and hope of better days? Have you told them? Does something hold you back?

Why is it we have courage to do some of the most dangerous activities in life but find pause when it comes to opening ourselves to another?

Maybe the memories of painful experiences run deeper than actualizing our hearts desire.

Passion Chronicles #3

I lay awake at night counting the hours of sleep I lose over you because I just can’t seem to let it go. Am I smitten? Maybe just dumb. All I know is I’m feeling out on a limb like Teena Marie.

Could it be you don’t recognize my existence? Or possibly you’ve moved on after all this time but no one has heart enough to tell me the truth.

I love you. Is that too hard for you to understand? For years I thought maybe I wasn’t good enough for you – but no, I deserve you. Actually, do you even deserve me?

See what happens when you leave me alone too long with my own volative thoughts? They conjure the craziest, yet plausible, scenarios. It just leaves me wondering what all of this waiting around is for?

If I’m here and you’re there, how do we connect these dots?

Age Ain’t Nuthin But A Number….

…..Gettin’ down ain’t nothing but a thang… many of you remember that old school Aaliyah song? Throwback to the 90’s when music was still – well, music.

I digress. She had a point back then about age. We are stuck on a number – judging people based on where they should be in life at a certain age and how they should act. Or just the opposite: that because of their age they are incapable of doing and knowing certain things. Truth is, we all come from different backgrounds and develop at different paces based on our life circumstances.


The point I’m really trying to make is regarding middle aged men with young women and older women with young men, more specifically the latter since I am a woman and cannot speak from a man’s perspective. I have no opinion about it but personally I can’t see myself as a cougar. What can a 20-something know or do for me?

I had to eat my words yesterday when I experienced my first cougar moment. It was quite unique how I spent so much time calculating in my head all of our differences and why it would be such a bad idea to venture down that road that I neglected to truly appreciate our strong similarities.

He’s a very nice young man; not arrogant or smug. He’s a hard worker and takes pride in his work; that’s what intrigued me into wanting to get to know him. As it turns out, the more we got to know one another, the more our chemistry infused itself. We created a fireworks show between our bodies and fed off of each other’s energy.

My lips couldn’t resist his skin; I felt drawn like a magnet. And to run my fingers through his hair was something I would sit and fantasize about after we’d run into each other every Monday and Wednesday night. He wanted to caress and touch me in some intimate places but I refused. In my head I was still toiling with the idea of actually continuing in what I considered ‘inappropriate behavior’.

I could feel myself getting moist; did this young dude really get me all worked up? I’m grown – I’m in control. At least that’s what I kept trying to tell myself. All of that doubtful thinking was taking me away from the present moment. I realized age was just a number and my inhibitions were cock blocking. Then, I let it happen. I stopped resisting and fighting to be in control and allowed our chemistry to take over. My hand slipped down to his side and I allowed him to touch and please me in any way he desired.

His touch was so gentle. It wasn’t urgent and fumbling or even jittery and inexperienced. He was just as eager to please me as I was to him. He placed the warmest kisses over my bare breasts and left a trail of soft kisses across my chest. He gave me goosebumps. This young fella had me feeling like a teenager wild with passion, making out on her mama’s couch and trying not to get caught.

His demeanor changed; I could tell he was turned on but it was a hard concept for me to fathom – turned on by me? Almost 10 years his senior and not the most beautiful and physically slim woman he could have chosen and yet he was here and totally enamored with the heady passion that existed between us.


He just made me happy. I don’t know how else to explain it. He made me smile and laugh and for a moment just feel sexy in my chocolate skin. He wasn’t at all concerned with my stretch marks or extra weight or age. It showed in the way he looked at and treated me.

I’ll be writing later about friends with benefits so for now I’ll just say this; be wise in who you choose. When all is said and done you don’t want any regrets and you want to be able to retain the dynamics of the friendship. We sat on the couch under a blanket and finished watching Carrie afterwards and then said good night. That required a lot of maturity on both parties. I like what he is about and I definitely think we could go further as friends rather than anything more. There’s nothing wrong with him or I, it just is what it is.

And that is why I take back my previous assessment – cuz age ain’t nuthin’ but a number……