It’s the faint aroma of your cologne
That lingers at the edge of my mind.
Wraps me in devious thoughts
Of that time together, just you and I.
The recollection of your smile,
And those soft brown bedroom eyes,
I’m floating away on a reverie
I think I’ve found my cloud nine.
The sensual atmosphere between us
Gives room for all the possibilities;
What unspoken words linger between our lips,
Our eyes beg to reveal.
My soul is smiling.
Who knew I’d be barely breathing,
This time for all the right reasons?
I am elated on this evening.
Never thought it could feel so freeing
To spend time with a man on my level;
No drama needed.
I feel like a teenage girl with a crush
Because every time I look at you
I’m gushing with giggles and a smile as wide as the ocean.
Thankfully without the remnants of salty tears running down my cheek.
The only thing I beckon for are those sweet lips all over me.
However challenging it is, I contain my lustful wishes,
And revel in the glory of your arms
With a pleasant goodbye hug
And unspoken desires.
Again, searching for the pause –
The hands that linger around my waist a second more.
But we say good night anyway
And I retreat to meet you in my dreams
Where I won’t be judged for what my body wants to do,
Or where my lips want to go –
All over you.
Just beneath the surface are a 1,000 lonely tears
I’ve done so much to tame them
And hide from all my fears.
Occassionally they surface;
They expose my brokenness
The fall so incessantly
They leave me a broken mess.
Once these tears start falling
There’s no stopping all the rest
Every wall I build to keep from being vulnerable
Comes crashing down right and left.
I lie daily about being lonely,
About the pain of no one there.
I thought years of riding solo
Would mask the pain when no one cares.
I feel you moving; restless in your sleep.
Then I feel your fingers find me.
Wandering in lustful places that
Soon stir my curios appetite.
The fluorescent light from the clock says 2 a.m.
My body says fuck it, let’s do this right now.
Your arms grab me close from behind
As I feel your manhood pressed firmly against my thigh.
Our body heat rises, my nipples feel firm
As you taste them with your tongue
It’s driving my crazy, how badly for you I yearn.
Your hand parts my thighs and I feel you pressing gently against my lips.
Wetness engulfs him as my head spins.
Our bodies intertwine and become tangled in the sheets.
Our dreams become blurred reality
As the minutes and hours turn.
In the wee hours of the morn
I moan in ecstasy as your rhythm is so intoxicating.
I come so effortlessly, again and again.
The grip of your hands on my body in the dark
I whisper, come for me,
And I feel you burst from pure elation
From our pleasurable rendezvous.
I love our 2 a.m. appointments.
I love them more because they are with you.
As we lay completely spent
Smiling and snuggled close.
I feel elated and overjoyed
To have this moment to our own.
In honor of National Poetry Month, here is a piece of my heart…
I never meant to fall in love with you
My hearts emptiness revolves around a love that never existed between us.
What a fool I’ve become
Such a mess I’ve made
For the sake of love
I’m a fool…for you.
You said we would always be friends
And I convinced myself that meant you never wanted to let go.
It’s stupid now that I’m looking back on it,
Realizing all along you were telling the truth.
You cared deeply for me,
On a friends only level,
But I was too caught up in what I wanted
I made your words mean what I wanted them to.
I don’t understand
With such great chemistry between us
Why isn’t this forever?
Why aren’t you in love with me the way I’m so helplessly in love with you?
I digress into the shadows of my selfishness
And try to salvage what friendship there may be left.
I won’t ever stop loving you
But I can’t imagine my life without you in it
So can we compromise somehow
And meet in the middle?
I remember when everything was predictable.
I knew you loved me; and that was enough.
Fast forward to here in this moment
And it feels like I don’t know you at all.
I fought my way through all the debris,
Found the strength to give you all of me;
And now I stand alone.
Fragile as china;
Feeling like a forgotten memory.
When everything has changed
Where do I go from here?
There used to be a ‘we’
When there was you and me.
You always laughed at my dreams;
Said they could never be.
Well I made it; made it for us.
But you’re still caught up in a desolate reality that leaves no room for me.
Do you regret giving up?
Am I supposed to feel ashamed of moving on?
I didn’t want to find success without you
But maybe that’s what’s best
Because everything has changed
And our lives are growing distant.
All I ever wanted was you.
All of my dreams were built around us growing old together.
I can’t compete with your lack of vision.
I can’t hold back on life forever.
I hope one day you realize I loved you.
Just not enough to inspire vision.
It’s clear to see that everything has changed between us.
I crack open my window to catch some of the gentle breeze flowing
It flows effortlessly as I blink silent tears away.
How could I let all of my freedom slip away from me?
How could I let you take my heart from me?
You are barely a figment of my reality,
You come and go so infrequently,
It’s a wonder you had time to steal my heart.
But you did. All within a few seconds of gently embracing me.
Caressing my fragile wounded soul and kissing every painful memory away.
You didn’t have to be so kind.
I didn’t expect you to notice the little things,
But there you were,
In my living room, and making your way into my heart.
Embedding yourself into the depth of my eyes
And anchoring a place within my spirit.
I’d rather hate you, you know.
It would all just be so much easier if I could dislike you.
Your inconsistency plays with my emotions.
It does nothing for my fear of committment.
I try to put up a wall to lock you out,
And I’ll do well for a few days until…
You return and knock it down again.
And I am left with a smiling heart and my security shattered
Into dust sized pieces, of which will never form together again.
But it’s okay, I tell myself, until I find myself alone again,
Wondering where you went to this time,
Wondering why you bothered to return if you knew
You were just going to disappear again.
I can’t keep longing for you.
I can’t keep fighting my feelings.
Either you are in, or out, but none of this halfway business.
Please tell me the truth, so that I can set myself free
Of the undulating feeling of wanting to being in love with you.
I taste your lips in those intimate places;
Wrap my mind around you like silk sheets.
I adore you in spring time;
In fall you become a little too flaky for me.
I imagine being in yours arms is like a supernatural experience.
I yearn to feel our heartbeats in sync.
Joyous am I when I’m near you.
When the bitter taste of your goodbye doesn’t cripple me into non-existence.
I suppose you are better off just a dream.
When I awake I can write off your inconsistency as mere ficticious rambles of my imagination
And no true portrayal
Of the man I want you so desperately to be.