Category Archives: Real Talk

Make Loved Ones Feel Important

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We live in a world that is chaotic. Things are not simple like they used to be. Terrorist threats are a no longer uncommon. School shootings are the norm. Cyber-attacks and identity theft happen almost daily. These situations are more of a reason to truly be connected with your loved ones.

What are some things that you are doing now to spend time together? Sitting in the same room, with either one or both of you on electronic devices is not enough. I am talking about “quality” time together. Cuddling, laughing, talking, touching, play fighting, eating a meal together, taking a walk, working out, volunteering, making love, or even working on a project together. Being fully present and engaged with your partner.

The holiday season brings a great deal of stress on everyone; financially, emotionally and physically. Ask yourself what you can do to minimize the impact of holiday stress. Discuss plans to be more involved with one another and not allow the hype of everything to get in the way of your quality time. Make a new tradition.

The concept of family has been destroyed through the years by making sex easy, marriage the new dating and divorce the first option to end a disagreement. Decide what is most important and take steps to set aside time to actually appreciate those important things in your life. Slipping a love note into a briefcase or lunch bag, ironing clothes for the next day for your loved one or even cooking a meal together are some ideas for getting that quality time in. At the end of the day, it’s better to reflect on those things that made you happy than the stresses of life and sadness. The world has enough of that as it is.

What are your plans with your loved ones?

Love

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When you’re in love, real real love, you sometimes have to push yourself to like them when you would otherwise like to push them off a building.

We are all flawed. No one is perfect. But sometimes being in love makes you feel perfect. That’s a wonderful feeling. However, it’s not always.

On the days when love is cumbersome, dig deep and salvage the good in the person. They won’t always live up to your expectations, but the times they do might be worth the patience during the trying times.

Love Where You Never Expect: In The Friend Zone

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We laugh when we hear about a guy being friend zoned. It happens all too often. He tries his best to be nice and friendly, tries to be the shoulder she cries on – he tries to be everything women ‘say’ they want and need.

And then they are labelled “too nice” and find themselves in the dreaded friend zone.

I’ve friend zoned quite a few guys in my life. Some should be lucky they just got friended; I’d much rather hide under a rock from them. But sometimes it’s just bad timing. Sometimes, I don’t know what’s best for me by passing them by.

In particular, I had a friend who’s been friend zoned for like 10 years. Yet I’ve cried to him over heart ache and breakup after breakup. He tried to crawl out of the zone after each one but I shot him down.

In my recent drought of dating, when he proposed the idea, rather than chew his head off I figured why not? In my head I figured I could kill two birds with one stone; give him a chance and thereby shut him up and let him spoil me but let him down gently when our trip was over.

He was attractive but I wasn’t attracted to him. He was cool but I didn’t think he was on my level. He was skinny; I’m a big girl. I’m not trying to look like the zero to our 10. I don’t have children, but his son is like half my age because he had him early. I was totally focused on the why nots rather than why we might actually work out.

When we met under these new conditions, at first I wasn’t ready. Secondly, he wasn’t ready. After my arrival, we hugged and he went in immediately for the kiss. It caught me off guard, but I was pleasantly surprised. I called him my cocaine because I simply could not get enough of him and I was his heroine – the addiction was highly intoxicating.

It was the best of both world; an amazing guy who hadn’t let chivalry die and a best friend that I could be completely myself with. I wasn’t self conscious about my weight because he’d already accepted me for who I was and was more than willing to pass the cupcakes. I didn’t have to worry about always dressing nice; a pair of sweats and no bra was just as good as my sexy dresses because he already knew how I was.

And then there was the sex. Bombdotcom. I didn’t know he would put it down like that, but he surely underestimated me, too. However, because I’d loved this man for years, even if just as a friend, we fell into a perfect sync that I can’t put into words. He awakened a passion inside of me that I didn’t think existed. It wasn’t friends with benefits either, I actually don’t want to let this one go.

Everything I once felt for him began to change. And there was never an awkward moment. That’s how I knew it was for real.

So for my men in the friend zone, don’t lose heart. There is hope. It may be timing, it may be some hard lessons that have yet to be learned. But don’t give up. All that foot work will be worth it one day.

For my ladies, ask yourself this: of all the guys you gave a chance who CLEARLY weren’t worth your time, why not give that one guy friend a chance? But make some rules that you won’t let it ruin your friendship and always always respect the friendship over the relationship. You never know. You might be sitting on a diamond disguised as mere coal.