New Beginnings

It’s the faint aroma of your cologne
That lingers at the edge of my mind.
Wraps me in devious thoughts
Of that time together, just you and I.
The recollection of your smile,
And those soft brown bedroom eyes,
I’m floating away on a reverie
I think I’ve found my cloud nine.

The sensual atmosphere between us
Gives room for all the possibilities;
What unspoken words linger between our lips,
Our eyes beg to reveal.
My soul is smiling.
I’m breathless.
Who knew I’d be barely breathing,
This time for all the right reasons?

I am elated on this evening.
Never thought it could feel so freeing
To spend time with a man on my level;
No drama needed.
I feel like a teenage girl with a crush
Because every time I look at you
I blush.
I’m gushing with giggles and a smile as wide as the ocean.
Thankfully without the remnants of salty tears running down my cheek.
The only thing I beckon for are those sweet lips all over me.

However challenging it is, I contain my lustful wishes,
And revel in the glory of your arms
With a pleasant goodbye hug
And unspoken desires.
Again, searching for the pause –
The hands that linger around my waist a second more.
But we say good night anyway
And I retreat to meet you in my dreams
Where I won’t be judged for what my body wants to do,
Or where my lips want to go –
All over you.

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Where Is The Love?

“Where does love go if there is no one there to receive it?” pens a dear friend of mine in one of her poems entitled, To Him Whom I Love. I was enamored with that poem. It spoke of loving someone who has pulled away, no longer giving or showing the love they once professed. The natural desire to cling to what is left of that love left the person regrettably pained, confused and concerned, betrayed and yet still hopeful for something to give; for love to persist.

That’s how life is sometimes. Regrettably painful and enticingly surreal. But, where does love go if no one is there to receive it? I’ve spoken about what happens when the passion dies, but what if the passion is just dead? Gone.

Real love, not the superficial stuff people like to call love today, isn’t always glamorous. Some days it’s dull and boring. Some days it is non-existent. But how you know real from fake is by how those feelings make you react. Love is respectful. Love is a verb; an action. It doesn’t wait around or benefit from getting from others. It is selfless and giving. Even when there is nothing to gain from that giving. Being wrapped up in what love can do for you isn’t love; it’s greed.

Love is full of moments of bliss, don’t get me wrong. I mean, that’s how Hollywood makes all of its money from us; creating movies of surreal love with passion for days and romance for nights on end. We buy into it, thinking, “If only I could find a love like that,” forgetting for the moment that you possibly do have that type of love, it’s just flawed. If Hollywood really made a movie based on real life love, no one would go view it because who wants to see real life that is lived daily? We want fantasy! We want what is perfect; even if it is in a two-hour long movie.

Over the weekend I was feeling passionless. I had watched a movie that left me feeling empty inside. Those feelings turned into thoughts and those thoughts into words to my significant other about how I wasn’t sure if what we had was ‘lasting’. In my defense, long distance relationships have never been a good look on me. But I wasn’t being fair. I wasn’t taking into account his feelings. He felt the same as I did; that it seemed we were pulling away from each other and he really missed being with me.

I was being selfish. I was also being unrealistic. Letting go of what we had, which was so magical only a few weeks ago, wasn’t the answer. The passion and love is still very much there, however, I need to go about things differently. Voicing my concern to him allowed him to understand that I wasn’t happy. He no longer assumed things were okay. So he opened up about what he was feeling. Often times we hold things to ourselves and think our significant others can read our minds, which then creates frustration when they don’t. Now is that fair?

If you are unhappy with the way something is, be the one to make a change. Otherwise, stop complaining. After voicing my concerns, he planned a trip to come visit, started sending random texts throughout the day so I knew he was thinking of me and loved me, and told me to expect something in the mail. All while I was doing the same. We found what worked for us. Now in your situation, think outside the box and find answers that work for you.

The key is communication. That will forever be the number one rule in a relationship. People aren’t mind readers. In communicating, it is important to be specific about your needs, while not coming off as demanding, but realizing you may need to compromise, at least for a moment sometimes.

I want my significant other to be here. However, until he has been accepted for a job here, he doesn’t feel comfortable moving and not being able to provide. How can I not respect that? At least this one thinks about the future for “us” and not just himself. That was a compromise I was willing to accept because at least with a visit, we get to see one another.

I know in my first marriage I stopped conversing with him because he wasn’t interested in talking. He was in the market for blaming. As long as I accepted the fact that everything wrong in our marriage was my fault, he was on board to stay together. That clearly is not a healthy relationship. Nor was him trying to fight me. Needless to say, that marriage ended based on my own safety. You have to know when to let it go and when to fight harder to keep things going.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that you stay in the ring as long as you have someone to fight with you. Once they start fighting against you, consider if it’s worth pushing through or throwing in the towel.

Humpty Dumpty Love

Broken people rarely know that they are broken. They’ve spent so much time functioning at half capacity that it feels familiar.

What whole people see as love is obscure to broken people. The fragmented pieces seek immediate gratification; anything that takes longer poses a threat to their false sense of security.

That’s why broken people gravitate to self sabotaging activities such as promiscuous sex. Sex gives immediate pleasure; even if temporarily. The high masks the cracks that their souls slip through. The warmth, the intensity and passion encompasses the metaphor of love. If only fleeting.

When I find myself longing for that false sense of security I know my cracks must be exposed. Sex is the cheap plaster I use to cover up the ugliness of my brokenness.

Reveling in the actuality that there is a man who can love me back together makes me laugh. It’s not even a wishful thought. I think I may be too far broken to be salvaged. So I treat myself as cheap and lie with wolves.

How do you love a broken person? One piece at a time. But just know you cannot be their glue; that is too much responsibility. If you ever let them down; even minimally, can send them back into their self-protective shell.

Brokenness can hinder passion greatly but isn’t a death sentence. Since love is patient and kind, showing that to a loved one exhibiting broken behavior will eventually help restore them back to completeness through your faithfulness and loyalty.

Passion Deflated

We all can agree that there are those moments in life when things just don’t work out the way we would like. It is more frustrating when the things not working out are between our spouse/significant other. Finances, work, family and children can cause fallouts greater than the Hiroshima nuclear blast. How each of you handle these elements can make or break the issue.

One in particular that I want to address today is sex. We’ve all seen the sitcoms on tv where the wife withholds sex until the husband does _________ (whatever honey-do task that hasn’t been completed). Or she withholds it because of something he did do or say. Either way, it’s not fighting fair. Most women are emotional creatures by nature and in order to get the cookie you have to appeal to the mind and heart first. Most men are physical and what women are moved by have no effect on them whatsoever. Sex is sex. So what if the dishes aren’t done. I’m horny. I know the kid was suspended from school. We haven’t touched in three days. I’ll finish the yard this weekend. I need some attention.

Some men stop looking at their spouse/significant other the same way they used to in the beginning. Underlying causes can range from stress at work to their own insecurities. Maybe they feel unattractive or that you’ve lost interest in them. Maybe there is a medical condition that causes them to be unable to ‘perform’ the way they used to and rather than just talk about it they feel embarrassed and keep it to themselves. Maybe you’ve nagged so much that they have simply lost the strength to fight for your attention. Women need to understand that just as they have these thoughts in their head, so do men.

We can’t take a break from life and the revolving problems that arise daily but we can take carve out some time to break for a purpose of getting back in touch with one another. Just as work and family need your attention, so does your spouse/significant other. Their needs are starved when they become last on your list or don’t make it to your priority list at all. Sometimes it is as simple as stepping away and asking yourself how you would feel in their shoes. It seems easy to point fingers and blame someone else for being lazy or lacking responsibility or whatever the issue may be. It’s hard to consider what difficult things they may be facing in their lives or how they rationalize certain situations.

Get back to the basics. Get back to love. At the end of the day, if you only had a few hours left to live would you spend them complaining about work or the children or would you focus on what is important; the relationship between all the elements of your family? We always think we have forever until we take our last breath. This sobering reality hit home yesterday as I celebrated Memorial Day. Many people thanked me for my 13 years of military service but I had to correct them; Veteran’s Day is my day of celebration. Memorial Day is for the fallen comrades who did not come home so that I could. Their families are paying the ultimate sacrifice as they are now without that mother, daughter, sister, aunt, father, uncle, brother or son.

Some women use the excuse that they aren’t in the mood. It is a very realistic excuse. Some women have low libidos. After having a baby some women lose interest because their bodies have changed along with their hormones and they don’t feel like they still ‘got it’. For those women I will say this. If he is trying to be with you, trying to make love to you, trying to touch you – trust me, you still got it. Stop analyzing your own body and look at it through the eyes of your spouse/significant other. How do you think the phrase, ‘Mother I’d Like to F*ck’ (MILF) was coined? Trust me, he wouldn’t be after you if you didn’t turn him on.

Also realize that men go through changes, too, after you have a baby. Maybe not in the physical sense – well, some guys do have sympathy pain or gain sympathy weight which I think is cute – but seriously, your body just brought a life into this world. That is the beauty of life unfolding before their eyes. Maybe you stopped having sex because it was too painful during the last bit of pregnancy. Or maybe you felt too big and awkward. Now that you’ve had the baby and had that healing time pass think about how he might feel making love to you again. He might feel anxious, which in turn could make him not last that long. He may be afraid of hurting you or not know how to respond to your body, which could make it hard for him to keep an erection. There could be a million things going through his head, but the main one that is most important is that he still loves and wants to be with you. Stop being in your head so much and just let nature take control. Enjoy the moment. Once time has passed you can never get that back.

Some problems cannot be solved easily. Some are deeply rooted and require the specialized training of a certified professional counselor. If you feel that your relationship is beyond repair or that both of you are at your wits end then maybe it’s time to call in reinforcement. Counseling can do more good than harm. You may find that it’s just a matter of difference or misunderstanding. You may find something more. But letting it fester to the point where you both have had enough and the passion has lost its flame is not good. Flames can be reignited but it requires work from both parties and a willingness to be open minded and not stoop to the petty blame game.

Life is too short to live without passion. Especially intimate passion with someone you say you love. It all comes down to choices. You can choose to fight for and bring the passion back or you can let it die. At the end of the day, what will you choose?

What’s On Your Passion Bucket List?

bucket-list
Life is short in comparison to how fast time flies. For anyone who has come upon their 10 year class reunion from high school I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “Has it “really” been that long?” With our busy daily lives time has a way of escaping us. So it is vitally important to make the most of everything and to always create lasting memories.

Some have a bucket list in life. These are things that they want to do before they die or become too fragile to do such as bungee jump, sky dive, parasail, deep sea dive, etc. Usually these are adrenaline junkies or people who live off of the rush of fear. While not everyone has the same bucket list, I mean, some could have taking a Caribbean cruise or traveling to Australia or even seeing Mt. Rushmore as their bucket list wish. But a passion bucket list contains passionate, often intimate and sexual, fantasies that you would like to experience. Some could be so wild that you want to experience them before marriage. Some may be what you want to experience during your marriage to keep it spicy and interesting.

My passion bucket list started off PG, obviously, because I was rather green in regards to sex back in the day. I wanted to kiss in the rain. While some say this is overrated, I found it to be just as passionate as in the movies. Then again, I hear my own theme music in my head so that might have had something to do with it and he was a really sexy Marine so I think kissing him regardless was on my bucket list.

I’ve kissed a girl, gotten freaky in a park – in another country (I say that part because foreign countries have different laws so there was little shame in being discreet or worrying about cops arresting us for exhibition), in a car, with a guy with a cast, in a public bathroom, in every room of the house (and yes, we disinfected everything), at work, in the garage, and I think that’s it so far.
Other places that I think would be good are of course the mile high club (on an airplane), possibly a crowded bus or train (just imagine the rocking of the bus or train as your bodies bump against one another…), and here is a link to 50 more other places.

Can you cross off any of these? Are there any that you are thinking of adding to your list?
adult bucket list

Let’s Just Make Out

couple2
Let’s face it; we have busy lives. Even if we could clone ourselves, most of us wouldn’t have the time for the procedure. We all know something will suffer no matter how hard we try to stretch ourselves thin to accommodate everything. So how do you keep the passion going in a relationship starved of quality time?

Previously, I wrote about scheduling time for sex for those who simply have too hectic of a schedule. It may not work for everyone, but for some it is the perfect solution. I’ve written about quickies – those hot passionate sex sessions for people who don’t have a lot of time but need that quick sexual release….again, this may not be for everyone. For some, this may not be enough so I would advise scheduling some quality time with your significant other to fulfill those unmet needs.

When you are seriously starved for time my guess is that you are running high on stress as well. One way to quickly come down is to take it back to the basics; have a full on make out session like teenagers. Remember those days when you would make out in the car for hours, groping and touching, kissing until your lips were raw, teasing each other to the point of losing control? Well, let’s not take it ‘that’ far, but rekindle some of those old feelings of reckless abandon.
kiss
It doesn’t matter how it starts: walking up behind them and starting a trail of soft kisses at the nape of their neck; sitting on their lap and just locking lips. I don’t mean those dry boring kisses where your lips touch for like .3 seconds either. I mean a juicy kiss. A kiss that lingers on their mind long after your lips have parted.

That type of kiss will guarantee a “To be continued…” later, trust me. It might even bump a few things down the responsibility list because it started a fire that needs extinguishing immediately. Who knows? Just enjoy the moment without worry and care. Two minutes will not make the world end.
Think about how you are going to create and enjoy a passionate moment today. Life is about the moments we make and the people we cherish; do the people you care about know how you feel? Sometimes a kiss contains all the words your heart doesn’t have the courage to say.
kiss1

Passion Chronicles #5

I told myself I was done with him because he was really no good for me. He was the player type; there was never a possibility that he would do right by me or mean anything he said. The best thing to do was cut him off. Completely. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll cut him off. Sometimes thinking these things are easier than doing them, especially when the memories of the way his lips feel in certain places linger heavy on the mind. Or the grip of his hands.

Focus. He’s a jerk. That’s enough. I’ll tell him tonight that it’s over. I’m sure he has five or six other women swooning around him anyway. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear my office door open and shut. I worked the swing shift with another person, but I was the only one in the office at the time. I felt this sudden rush of heat come over me as soft wet lips pressed against the crook of my neck and a heavy hand slid down into my blouse and fondled my left breast. I was quite startled but it felt too good to protest.

My chair swung around and there he was in the flesh. Before I could say a word he picked me up out of my seat and sat me on the edge of my desk, pressing his body against me so that I could feel every inch of hard, solid muscle. He was working on the third button on my blouse before I got the courage to try and stop him. He brushed my hands away playfully and engulfed me in a hot and heavy kiss with his intoxicating lips before I could protest. His hand was making its way up my thigh and my hand was undoing his belt buckle. He knew I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, say no. He knew how bad I wanted him; I was a puppet on a string for him.

I bit his ear gently. I whispered, “We really shouldn’t; my co-worker-”

He cut me off and said, “I locked the door. You ain’t going nowhere for awhile,” and my shirt landed on a chair across the room. He nibbled my nipples and then laid me back on the desk. I spread my legs wide for him while he feasted on my goodness. Because the office was so empty my moans echoed.
I motioned for him to pull me closer to him. I slid right into his lap and sat on my throne. We always fit together like a hand in glove, he slid in so nice and easy. I grinded slowly in his lap like I was giving him a private lap dance. I tasted myself on his lips. Have you ever noticed that the best sex is usually the type you shouldn’t be having, usually with someone you shouldn’t be having it with?

I heard the doorknob rattle like someone was trying to come in. My body tensed and I was frozen in place until he pulled my face over to him and kissed me. He said, “Forget them – they can wait,” and lifted me back up onto the desk. I wrapped my legs around him and did just what he said; I forgot where I was, I forgot I was at work and I forgot how much I hated him.

My fingernails dug into his back as he hit that spot that had me ready to climax. I bit his earlobe and then softly bit his neck. He loved it when I bit him, it turned him on. His rhythm became faster and more intense. My thigh was quivering but I wouldn’t unwrap my legs from around him. I heard a deep sigh of relief in my ear and he kissed my shoulder while gently putting me down.

No words spoken and no further glances, I grabbed my shirt from the chair and made myself presentable while he made his way to the back and climbed out the window to the fire escape.