Everything Has Changed

I remember when everything was predictable.
I knew you loved me; and that was enough.
Fast forward to here in this moment
And it feels like I don’t know you at all.
I fought my way through all the debris,
Found the strength to give you all of me;
And now I stand alone.
Fragile as china;
Feeling like a forgotten memory.
When everything has changed
Where do I go from here?

There used to be a ‘we’
When there was you and me.
You always laughed at my dreams;
Said they could never be.
Well I made it; made it for us.
But you’re still caught up in a desolate reality that leaves no room for me.
Do you regret giving up?
Am I supposed to feel ashamed of moving on?
I didn’t want to find success without you
But maybe that’s what’s best
Because everything has changed
And our lives are growing distant.

All I ever wanted was you.
All of my dreams were built around us growing old together.
I can’t compete with your lack of vision.
I can’t hold back on life forever.
I hope one day you realize I loved you.
Just not enough to inspire vision.
It’s clear to see that everything has changed between us.

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Thoughts

There exists a reality
That doesn’t fade with the blink of tears.
In darkness I have no need to be afraid;
Because you’re there with me,
Squeezing me tightly – so tight there’s no room for fear.
The faint sound of my breathing
The soft repetition of the ceiling fan…
The light glow reflecting from my clock;
It’s after midnight.

My thoughts persist more frequently,
Consumed purely of you like an obsession.
Incessantly I daydream of what could be:
I want even a mundane life
If it’s you and me.

Why Do Women Fake It?

The answer is yes. I have faked it on numerous occasions. You may ask why, what benefit do I get out of it? It ends quickly. I have been a one woman cheerleader during sex just to get him to release so I can go to bed. Or get up and shower. Or just relax because I caught a cramp and I’m no longer in the mood to keep going. Or I’ve gotten mine and he is taking an unnecessary amount of time getting there.
I should probably get paid for how realistic I sound.

Truth is, even if you are not a talker during the act, hearing the other person enjoy themselves adds heightened intensity to it; it helps ‘get you there’ because sex has some mental aspect to it.

I do not fake it all the time; that would just give the other person a false sense of accomplishment in thinking they really are doing something in bed. But occasionally, yes, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Women fake it for you. To just lay there when you are not in the mood but don’t want to say no is like saying no. So we play the part and help the leading role reach the finale.

This technique can backfire, however, by giving the other person a false sense of achievement. Meaning, they think they did a phenomenal job beating the brakes off you in bed, when really their actions didn’t even start the engine. That’s the risk we take in faking it.

When it comes to sex, men and women differ in how they express themselves, say, to their friends. When a guy thinks the sex was great he will talk about it like he was a porn star. “Yeah, man, I had her hitting high notes like an Opera singer! She couldn’t get enough of me!”

When women talk about great sex, they talk about how good the guy was. “Girl, he was so good he had me up making him a full course meal!”

If a woman talks about how good ‘she’ was during the act, chances are you sucked and she is simply complimenting herself on her acting abilities and theatrics in the bedroom.
I don’t think faking it is selfish; it’s actually a very selfless act for the other person’s ego. You may be wondering, how can I tell if she is faking it? Sex isn’t pretty. If she’s overly concerned with her hair, or being cute, then you ain’t hitting the spot. When a woman is completely absorbed into the act, she doesn’t care how she looks as long as you keep giving it to her the way you are. Kind of like how you are with us. I know your girl may have teased you about your ‘sex face’ once or twice. It’s not pretty; but it’s so good you don’t even care!

Apologies

So when I started this blog a little over a month ago I think – no, I know – I was quite naive about the blogging world.

I am very ambitious and my intentions were in the best interest of creating a place where sincere advice, comical relief and the love of writing could exist in harmony.

Truth is, I’m 48 days from graduating with my 2nd Bachelor’s in Psychology, I’m stressed about whether I’ve been accepted into grad school, I work full time, this last semester has me stressed out with learning about neuroscience and bio psychology and I’m diabetic and trying to keep my health under control.

I do this often, biting off more than I can chew. But I’m no failure at anything I put my mind to, and I’m very passionate about this blog.

I’ll be changing up a few things. First, I’ll be posting less; I realize my enthusiasm may have ultimately been just flooding your inbox, to those who are subscribed. Also, I was getting burnt out trying to write daily. So for now I will only be posting on Mondays.

Second, I’d like to hear from you and get your thoughts on what you would like to read or hear about. So be on the look out for my new “Contact Me” page. For now, you are more than welcome to like my Facebook page and leave me comments on there.

I want to say a big thank you to all of my readers who encourage me and remind me that I made the right choice in creating The Pleasure Principles. I hope you continue to enjoy the journey as this site ultimately matures along with my novice experience.

Be blessed and continue to seek your pleasure and passion!

Dissolving Ignorance

I held myself back because I loved you.
I thought maybe you didn’t see me.
You saw me clearly – right through me.
Did I ever mean anything to you?
Did you ever really care?
No worries, dear love.
It’s neither here nor there.

I consulted your opinion
Because it meant so very much.
Making you a part of my life
When really you didn’t give a fuck.
I can’t say I was blind
Because I can fully see.
Now I see the truth
That you never meant for us to be.

We will always be friends,
You don’t deserve more than that.
But I gave you my heart
And all the love within it.
I loved so deeply hoping I could love you into loving me.
But the more I gave
The emptier I became.
Until there was nothing left but tears.

I had to break down my own door of illusion
And salvage what energy I could.
Loving you damn near killed me.
At least had me singing the blues.
I held myself back so you would notice me
But more oblivious I became.
Now I realize you’re the one who should be catching up,
But you’re quite content with where you stay.

Answering The ‘Shoulder Tap’

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Who has found themselves in this situation before? Somebody wants some, but the other person is far from interested? Not even willing to help you out in a time of need! Reasons can be similar for both men and women; busy lives, children, not feeling well, long and/or bad day at work, etc. The person being rejected may not understand or feel that you are being unreasonable, especially if “No” has been heard far more than “Yes.”

For the ones saying no, have you really given it enough thought? Have you put yourself in your partner’s, errr – pants? Have you opted for middle ground – heavy petting, making out, possibly oral, before disregarding their request? Do you really think if you got started that you wouldn’t find yourself enjoying it, too?

For those who are doing the ‘tapping’ have you thought about how your partner feels? How was their day? Did you argue at all? When they say no, is the reason the same or something different?

If any of you have ever heard of Dr. Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” it is a very thorough guide in understanding the person you are with. It actually speaks beyond romantic relationships to that of coworkers, children, teenagers, family, etc. But I digress. It discusses ways to get the person you love to understand your love for them. Most men are physical; so sex being a physical act is one way they like to show they love their significant other. There are other ways, but I am just focusing on one for the sake of this post.

When a person who has a love language of physical attention and they want to have sex but get rejected it is more than saying, “No”. In their mind it’s like saying you don’t love them, too. So over time, they begin to withdraw from the relationship and eventually may seek their needs to be met somewhere else. If you’re thinking, ‘well if they would help around the house, or if they would just pay me a compliment once in awhile instead of wanting to jump me all the time’ then you are speaking your love language. They need to learn how to speak it.

Relationships require give and take. Granted, you may not always be in the mood. You may be so angry with something they have done or didn’t do that you can’t fathom being in the same bed, but I will say this. Life is short and we do not know when we will take our last breath. Try not to go to bed angry. Try to resolve to either agree to disagree or really get to the heart of the matter – sans emotional outbursts, etc. Fight fair. Listen. Sacrifice.

The answer to the shoulder tap might be ‘no’ but just be sure you add a ‘yes’ in there, too. Or make the rain check worthwhile…

Why I Need You Right Now

Have you ever felt so strongly about a person that they consumed your thoughts and dreams? Every waking moment you spend wondering about what it is they wonder, if you ever cross their mind or how you could see yourself with them…

It’s exhausting; I know. I wrote this late last night because I couldn’t get someone out of my head. I’d like to lock them in a corner of my brain and access them only 15 minutes out of my day – I mean, I do have a life that requires my immediate attention.

Why are they so engrained in our thoughts? Why does every inch of them replay over and over behind wandering eyes focused on daydreams and desires-to-be-true? Some call it obsession. Or love. Or lust. Depending on they type of feelings you possess for the person. Imagine the type of intimacy you could share if they knew how you felt? Would it be freeing?

We are all aware that tomorrow is not promised to us. The very foundation of our greatest moments in life usually revolve around someone we care deeply for. Because of this, I would stand to say that we shouldn’t waste our time being afraid to tell people how we feel – not even at the sake of feeling embarrassed. Sometimes knowing how much another person cares for you is a matter of life or death; sometimes it reveals the truth that those feelings were reciprocated. Sometimes it does lead to being hurt. However, you will never know unless you try.