New Beginnings

It’s the faint aroma of your cologne
That lingers at the edge of my mind.
Wraps me in devious thoughts
Of that time together, just you and I.
The recollection of your smile,
And those soft brown bedroom eyes,
I’m floating away on a reverie
I think I’ve found my cloud nine.

The sensual atmosphere between us
Gives room for all the possibilities;
What unspoken words linger between our lips,
Our eyes beg to reveal.
My soul is smiling.
I’m breathless.
Who knew I’d be barely breathing,
This time for all the right reasons?

I am elated on this evening.
Never thought it could feel so freeing
To spend time with a man on my level;
No drama needed.
I feel like a teenage girl with a crush
Because every time I look at you
I blush.
I’m gushing with giggles and a smile as wide as the ocean.
Thankfully without the remnants of salty tears running down my cheek.
The only thing I beckon for are those sweet lips all over me.

However challenging it is, I contain my lustful wishes,
And revel in the glory of your arms
With a pleasant goodbye hug
And unspoken desires.
Again, searching for the pause –
The hands that linger around my waist a second more.
But we say good night anyway
And I retreat to meet you in my dreams
Where I won’t be judged for what my body wants to do,
Or where my lips want to go –
All over you.

Advertisements

2 a.m.

I feel you moving; restless in your sleep.
Then I feel your fingers find me.
Wandering in lustful places that
Soon stir my curios appetite.
The fluorescent light from the clock says 2 a.m.
My body says fuck it, let’s do this right now.

Your arms grab me close from behind
As I feel your manhood pressed firmly against my thigh.
Our body heat rises, my nipples feel firm
As you taste them with your tongue
It’s driving my crazy, how badly for you I yearn.

Your hand parts my thighs and I feel you pressing gently against my lips.
Wetness engulfs him as my head spins.
Our bodies intertwine and become tangled in the sheets.
Our dreams become blurred reality
As the minutes and hours turn.

In the wee hours of the morn
I moan in ecstasy as your rhythm is so intoxicating.
I come so effortlessly, again and again.
The grip of your hands on my body in the dark
I whisper, come for me,
And I feel you burst from pure elation
From our pleasurable rendezvous.
I love our 2 a.m. appointments.
I love them more because they are with you.

As we lay completely spent
Smiling and snuggled close.
I feel elated and overjoyed
To have this moment to our own.

Compromising Reality

In honor of National Poetry Month, here is a piece of my heart…

I never meant to fall in love with you
My hearts emptiness revolves around a love that never existed between us.
What a fool I’ve become
Such a mess I’ve made
For the sake of love
I’m a fool…for you.

You said we would always be friends
And I convinced myself that meant you never wanted to let go.
It’s stupid now that I’m looking back on it,
Realizing all along you were telling the truth.
You cared deeply for me,
On a friends only level,
But I was too caught up in what I wanted
I made your words mean what I wanted them to.

I don’t understand
With such great chemistry between us
Why isn’t this forever?
Why aren’t you in love with me the way I’m so helplessly in love with you?

I digress into the shadows of my selfishness
And try to salvage what friendship there may be left.
I won’t ever stop loving you
But I can’t imagine my life without you in it
So can we compromise somehow
And meet in the middle?

Everything Has Changed

I remember when everything was predictable.
I knew you loved me; and that was enough.
Fast forward to here in this moment
And it feels like I don’t know you at all.
I fought my way through all the debris,
Found the strength to give you all of me;
And now I stand alone.
Fragile as china;
Feeling like a forgotten memory.
When everything has changed
Where do I go from here?

There used to be a ‘we’
When there was you and me.
You always laughed at my dreams;
Said they could never be.
Well I made it; made it for us.
But you’re still caught up in a desolate reality that leaves no room for me.
Do you regret giving up?
Am I supposed to feel ashamed of moving on?
I didn’t want to find success without you
But maybe that’s what’s best
Because everything has changed
And our lives are growing distant.

All I ever wanted was you.
All of my dreams were built around us growing old together.
I can’t compete with your lack of vision.
I can’t hold back on life forever.
I hope one day you realize I loved you.
Just not enough to inspire vision.
It’s clear to see that everything has changed between us.

Thoughts

There exists a reality
That doesn’t fade with the blink of tears.
In darkness I have no need to be afraid;
Because you’re there with me,
Squeezing me tightly – so tight there’s no room for fear.
The faint sound of my breathing
The soft repetition of the ceiling fan…
The light glow reflecting from my clock;
It’s after midnight.

My thoughts persist more frequently,
Consumed purely of you like an obsession.
Incessantly I daydream of what could be:
I want even a mundane life
If it’s you and me.

Dissolving Ignorance

I held myself back because I loved you.
I thought maybe you didn’t see me.
You saw me clearly – right through me.
Did I ever mean anything to you?
Did you ever really care?
No worries, dear love.
It’s neither here nor there.

I consulted your opinion
Because it meant so very much.
Making you a part of my life
When really you didn’t give a fuck.
I can’t say I was blind
Because I can fully see.
Now I see the truth
That you never meant for us to be.

We will always be friends,
You don’t deserve more than that.
But I gave you my heart
And all the love within it.
I loved so deeply hoping I could love you into loving me.
But the more I gave
The emptier I became.
Until there was nothing left but tears.

I had to break down my own door of illusion
And salvage what energy I could.
Loving you damn near killed me.
At least had me singing the blues.
I held myself back so you would notice me
But more oblivious I became.
Now I realize you’re the one who should be catching up,
But you’re quite content with where you stay.

Convenient

Saying what I feel will never mean anything if you don’t realize what I’m feeling is for you.
They are empty words that float out into space
Lost between here and you.
I quit trying to fill the void of your existence
With people who could on temporarily relieve my yearning.
Sex without a purpose might as well be replaced with masturbation
Because then I’m not left with the awkwardness of asking
Them to leave….Quietly.