Should You Wait To Have Sex?

safe sex
Religion says wait. Save yourself for your mate on your wedding day. Society says enjoy the pleasures of life and don’t deny yourself anything because you only live once (YOLO)…so which is it? Honestly, it’s a personal decision. Even Preacher’s kids struggle with holding out; look at Sarah Jakes, T.D. Jakes daughter who got pregnant at 14. So no matter who your parents are, ideally the decision is an individual one. However, it is important that we equip our teens with the essential knowledge to make these decisions.

I didn’t wait until I was married to have sex, although my situation is a bit unique…but I know friends who have waited, those who did not and those who took a vow of celibacy later on. In either case, they have had fulfilling marriages, while some have divorced and moved on.

Of my friends, the youngest that married while still virgins were 24 and 25. The oldest virgin I know to get married (he was a devout Catholic and virgin, she chose to honor his celibacy but was not a virgin) was 40 and 36. I know, right? We used to clown him every day although we truly did respect his decision to wait until marriage.

Recently in the news, Megan Good and her fiancé announced that they have decided to wait until marriage. It’s hard to believe celebrities can have morals these days, and I’m sure it took a lot of courage to come out and reveal something like that. Megan Good is known for her sex appeal image. I’m sure this will have an impact on young girls who look up to her – hopefully in a good way because I am so tired of seeing ‘Pregnant at 16’ become the new teenage idol.
true love waits
It has become more of a popular thing to remove physical intimacy from a relationship. Since sex has become so easy to come by it seems love is left rusting on the shelf. When the sex is amazing it’s hard to differentiate between whether your feelings for them are real or if it’s just for the way they make you feel in bed. I know I’ve been clouded in judgment about that before – staying with a guy simply because the sex was way too good to give up to someone else although he acted like a complete jerk.

Holding off on sex proves to be useful in getting to know someone for who they are and finding out who is willing to stick around and commit rather than stay for an easy lay. But what if you do decide to wait and when you finally have sex it’s horrible? Then what?

I’m a firm believe that what makes sex so powerful and intense has more to do with feelings than technique. I mean sure, knowing what you are doing IS important, but when you really love someone your senses are more heightened with them and it becomes more emotional than physical. Just think about sex for the purpose of sex and actually making love to someone you are totally connected to. Both can be fun and pleasurable, but I think overall when it’s with someone meaningful it has more value.

What are your thoughts on waiting before marriage? Have you done it? Would you do it?

Make Up Sex

You know what I’m talking about. He’s got you so furious you want to punch him in the damn throat. Or you’ve made him so angry he wants to shake you until your wig flies batman and robinoff. Any serious relationship has experienced it; I say serious because we all know we wouldn’t get that angry over someone who is just there for sex or convenience.

It is normal to have disagreements and to be upset, as long as at the end of the day neither of you have said something so hurtful or disrespectful that you cannot recover from it. My philosophy is that the truth comes out when you are angry. Your filter temporarily breaks and what you held off from saying for the sake of someone’s feelings ends up spilling out like lava from a volcano.

Have you heard older people say “Never go to bed angry” before? It means tomorrow isn’t promised and whatever petty argument you had shouldn’t be the last words spoken to the one you love. Think about all of the natural disasters that have occurred. Think about all of the terrorist attacks. If you got into an argument with your loved one and they were a victim of something tragic, how would you feel knowing your last words to them were hurtful? Spiteful? Indignant?

If what you are fighting about is truly serious that neither of you can find common ground, I would highly recommend seeking a counselor to mediate. Sometimes having a fresh perspective can break the brick wall between the two parties.
A friend of mine said he and his wife recently had a terrible argument that lasted a few days. Although still angry at the other, they agreed to take it back to the basics and go on a dinner date. He said when she walked in wearing a tight black dress he forgot why he was even angry to begin with and immediately embraced her. Staring at her from across the table, he said he fell in love with her all over again. She played dirty; showing off her curves and peek-a-boo with her cleavage. However, that was the love of his life and the fact is neither wanted to ruin what they had over a petty argument.

Make up sex? Yes, please! He said he tore that *** up when they got home!

Human emotions have a way of being intense. Love, lust and desire can be just as intense as anger. It makes me think fiery red. Make up sex is like becoming a horny teenager all over again. Remember the raw passion you had; the lack of inhibition and intoxication of sexuality? Clothes were ripped off and thrown wherever, there was kissing, biting, licking, sucking, nibbling, etc. Hair was clinging to your skin with sweat beads rolling down your chest and back. Nail marks were digging into his back as he hit the right spot over and over. You didn’t care how loud you were. You were real. You were free. You were sexy. You were…back in love. kiss and make up

Love will make you do some strange things, let me tell you.