In honor of National Poetry Month, here is a piece of my heart…
I never meant to fall in love with you
My hearts emptiness revolves around a love that never existed between us.
What a fool I’ve become
Such a mess I’ve made
For the sake of love
I’m a fool…for you.
You said we would always be friends
And I convinced myself that meant you never wanted to let go.
It’s stupid now that I’m looking back on it,
Realizing all along you were telling the truth.
You cared deeply for me,
On a friends only level,
But I was too caught up in what I wanted
I made your words mean what I wanted them to.
I don’t understand
With such great chemistry between us
Why isn’t this forever?
Why aren’t you in love with me the way I’m so helplessly in love with you?
I digress into the shadows of my selfishness
And try to salvage what friendship there may be left.
I won’t ever stop loving you
But I can’t imagine my life without you in it
So can we compromise somehow
And meet in the middle?
I remember when everything was predictable.
I knew you loved me; and that was enough.
Fast forward to here in this moment
And it feels like I don’t know you at all.
I fought my way through all the debris,
Found the strength to give you all of me;
And now I stand alone.
Fragile as china;
Feeling like a forgotten memory.
When everything has changed
Where do I go from here?
There used to be a ‘we’
When there was you and me.
You always laughed at my dreams;
Said they could never be.
Well I made it; made it for us.
But you’re still caught up in a desolate reality that leaves no room for me.
Do you regret giving up?
Am I supposed to feel ashamed of moving on?
I didn’t want to find success without you
But maybe that’s what’s best
Because everything has changed
And our lives are growing distant.
All I ever wanted was you.
All of my dreams were built around us growing old together.
I can’t compete with your lack of vision.
I can’t hold back on life forever.
I hope one day you realize I loved you.
Just not enough to inspire vision.
It’s clear to see that everything has changed between us.
I crack open my window to catch some of the gentle breeze flowing
It flows effortlessly as I blink silent tears away.
How could I let all of my freedom slip away from me?
How could I let you take my heart from me?
You are barely a figment of my reality,
You come and go so infrequently,
It’s a wonder you had time to steal my heart.
But you did. All within a few seconds of gently embracing me.
Caressing my fragile wounded soul and kissing every painful memory away.
You didn’t have to be so kind.
I didn’t expect you to notice the little things,
But there you were,
In my living room, and making your way into my heart.
Embedding yourself into the depth of my eyes
And anchoring a place within my spirit.
I’d rather hate you, you know.
It would all just be so much easier if I could dislike you.
Your inconsistency plays with my emotions.
It does nothing for my fear of committment.
I try to put up a wall to lock you out,
And I’ll do well for a few days until…
You return and knock it down again.
And I am left with a smiling heart and my security shattered
Into dust sized pieces, of which will never form together again.
But it’s okay, I tell myself, until I find myself alone again,
Wondering where you went to this time,
Wondering why you bothered to return if you knew
You were just going to disappear again.
I can’t keep longing for you.
I can’t keep fighting my feelings.
Either you are in, or out, but none of this halfway business.
Please tell me the truth, so that I can set myself free
Of the undulating feeling of wanting to being in love with you.