About J. Mahogany

I'm in love with the idea of making others feel good about themselves and being as encouraging as possible in a world full of hurt and confusion.

Love Letter

The anticipation eats away at me:I don’t know how you will react when you read those words.

Those words that I wrote for you in a love letter,

Enclosing my heart inside the seal that I kissed.

Placing a forever stamp on the envelope

Because that is where you will be in my heart –

Along with all our memories.

It’s been so long since last I saw you.
Far too often I catch myself wandering in the distance

Of thoughts consisting of you, and only you.

I debate whether or not you think of me this way.

I feel manic –

A bit obsessed –

I just can’t seem to get you out of my head.
I wrote that love letter at least 1,000 times.

Took me 13 years to finally come to terms with the truth;

Yes, I love you.

I torture myself over and over

Wondering have I missed the opportunity

Or if you’d even remember…me?
Surely you can’t be

The same person I knew so long ago.

I know I’ve changed –

I wonder if you’d even like the new me?
Each line of my letter is a heart string

That plays a specific melody for

Every year that we could have been together;

Just you and me.

I wanted you to be swept away in adoration

And truly see the tenderness of my love.

You are the epitome of my desire;

The gift I’m now longing to keep.

I didn’t realize it then, but I am aware now

That all I have ever wanted

Was to live in your arms.

Make Loved Ones Feel Important

We live in a world that is chaotic. Things are not simple like they used to be. Terrorist threats are a no longer uncommon. School shootings are the norm. Cyber-attacks and identity theft happen almost daily. These situations are more of a reason to truly be connected with your loved ones.

What are some things that you are doing now to spend time together? Sitting in the same room, with either one or both of you on electronic devices is not enough. I am talking about “quality” time together. Cuddling, laughing, talking, touching, play fighting, eating a meal together, taking a walk, working out, volunteering, making love, or even working on a project together. Being fully present and engaged with your partner.

The holiday season brings a great deal of stress on everyone; financially, emotionally and physically. Ask yourself what you can do to minimize the impact of holiday stress. Discuss plans to be more involved with one another and not allow the hype of everything to get in the way of your quality time. Make a new tradition.

The concept of family has been destroyed through the years by making sex easy, marriage the new dating and divorce the first option to end a disagreement. Decide what is most important and take steps to set aside time to actually appreciate those important things in your life. Slipping a love note into a briefcase or lunch bag, ironing clothes for the next day for your loved one or even cooking a meal together are some ideas for getting that quality time in. At the end of the day, it’s better to reflect on those things that made you happy than the stresses of life and sadness. The world has enough of that as it is.

What are your plans with your loved ones?

New Beginnings

It’s the faint aroma of your cologne
That lingers at the edge of my mind.
Wraps me in devious thoughts
Of that time together, just you and I.
The recollection of your smile,
And those soft brown bedroom eyes,
I’m floating away on a reverie
I think I’ve found my cloud nine.

The sensual atmosphere between us
Gives room for all the possibilities;
What unspoken words linger between our lips,
Our eyes beg to reveal.
My soul is smiling.
I’m breathless.
Who knew I’d be barely breathing,
This time for all the right reasons?

I am elated on this evening.
Never thought it could feel so freeing
To spend time with a man on my level;
No drama needed.
I feel like a teenage girl with a crush
Because every time I look at you
I blush.
I’m gushing with giggles and a smile as wide as the ocean.
Thankfully without the remnants of salty tears running down my cheek.
The only thing I beckon for are those sweet lips all over me.

However challenging it is, I contain my lustful wishes,
And revel in the glory of your arms
With a pleasant goodbye hug
And unspoken desires.
Again, searching for the pause –
The hands that linger around my waist a second more.
But we say good night anyway
And I retreat to meet you in my dreams
Where I won’t be judged for what my body wants to do,
Or where my lips want to go –
All over you.

Alone

Just beneath the surface are a 1,000 lonely tears
I’ve done so much to tame them
And hide from all my fears.
Occassionally they surface;
They expose my brokenness
The fall so incessantly
They leave me a broken mess.

Once these tears start falling
There’s no stopping all the rest
Every wall I build to keep from being vulnerable
Comes crashing down right and left.
I lie daily about being lonely,
About the pain of no one there.
I thought years of riding solo
Would mask the pain when no one cares.

Love

When you’re in love, real real love, you sometimes have to push yourself to like them when you would otherwise like to push them off a building.

We are all flawed. No one is perfect. But sometimes being in love makes you feel perfect. That’s a wonderful feeling. However, it’s not always.

On the days when love is cumbersome, dig deep and salvage the good in the person. They won’t always live up to your expectations, but the times they do might be worth the patience during the trying times.

Where Is The Love?

“Where does love go if there is no one there to receive it?” pens a dear friend of mine in one of her poems entitled, To Him Whom I Love. I was enamored with that poem. It spoke of loving someone who has pulled away, no longer giving or showing the love they once professed. The natural desire to cling to what is left of that love left the person regrettably pained, confused and concerned, betrayed and yet still hopeful for something to give; for love to persist.

That’s how life is sometimes. Regrettably painful and enticingly surreal. But, where does love go if no one is there to receive it? I’ve spoken about what happens when the passion dies, but what if the passion is just dead? Gone.

Real love, not the superficial stuff people like to call love today, isn’t always glamorous. Some days it’s dull and boring. Some days it is non-existent. But how you know real from fake is by how those feelings make you react. Love is respectful. Love is a verb; an action. It doesn’t wait around or benefit from getting from others. It is selfless and giving. Even when there is nothing to gain from that giving. Being wrapped up in what love can do for you isn’t love; it’s greed.

Love is full of moments of bliss, don’t get me wrong. I mean, that’s how Hollywood makes all of its money from us; creating movies of surreal love with passion for days and romance for nights on end. We buy into it, thinking, “If only I could find a love like that,” forgetting for the moment that you possibly do have that type of love, it’s just flawed. If Hollywood really made a movie based on real life love, no one would go view it because who wants to see real life that is lived daily? We want fantasy! We want what is perfect; even if it is in a two-hour long movie.

Over the weekend I was feeling passionless. I had watched a movie that left me feeling empty inside. Those feelings turned into thoughts and those thoughts into words to my significant other about how I wasn’t sure if what we had was ‘lasting’. In my defense, long distance relationships have never been a good look on me. But I wasn’t being fair. I wasn’t taking into account his feelings. He felt the same as I did; that it seemed we were pulling away from each other and he really missed being with me.

I was being selfish. I was also being unrealistic. Letting go of what we had, which was so magical only a few weeks ago, wasn’t the answer. The passion and love is still very much there, however, I need to go about things differently. Voicing my concern to him allowed him to understand that I wasn’t happy. He no longer assumed things were okay. So he opened up about what he was feeling. Often times we hold things to ourselves and think our significant others can read our minds, which then creates frustration when they don’t. Now is that fair?

If you are unhappy with the way something is, be the one to make a change. Otherwise, stop complaining. After voicing my concerns, he planned a trip to come visit, started sending random texts throughout the day so I knew he was thinking of me and loved me, and told me to expect something in the mail. All while I was doing the same. We found what worked for us. Now in your situation, think outside the box and find answers that work for you.

The key is communication. That will forever be the number one rule in a relationship. People aren’t mind readers. In communicating, it is important to be specific about your needs, while not coming off as demanding, but realizing you may need to compromise, at least for a moment sometimes.

I want my significant other to be here. However, until he has been accepted for a job here, he doesn’t feel comfortable moving and not being able to provide. How can I not respect that? At least this one thinks about the future for “us” and not just himself. That was a compromise I was willing to accept because at least with a visit, we get to see one another.

I know in my first marriage I stopped conversing with him because he wasn’t interested in talking. He was in the market for blaming. As long as I accepted the fact that everything wrong in our marriage was my fault, he was on board to stay together. That clearly is not a healthy relationship. Nor was him trying to fight me. Needless to say, that marriage ended based on my own safety. You have to know when to let it go and when to fight harder to keep things going.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that you stay in the ring as long as you have someone to fight with you. Once they start fighting against you, consider if it’s worth pushing through or throwing in the towel.

2 a.m.

I feel you moving; restless in your sleep.
Then I feel your fingers find me.
Wandering in lustful places that
Soon stir my curios appetite.
The fluorescent light from the clock says 2 a.m.
My body says fuck it, let’s do this right now.

Your arms grab me close from behind
As I feel your manhood pressed firmly against my thigh.
Our body heat rises, my nipples feel firm
As you taste them with your tongue
It’s driving my crazy, how badly for you I yearn.

Your hand parts my thighs and I feel you pressing gently against my lips.
Wetness engulfs him as my head spins.
Our bodies intertwine and become tangled in the sheets.
Our dreams become blurred reality
As the minutes and hours turn.

In the wee hours of the morn
I moan in ecstasy as your rhythm is so intoxicating.
I come so effortlessly, again and again.
The grip of your hands on my body in the dark
I whisper, come for me,
And I feel you burst from pure elation
From our pleasurable rendezvous.
I love our 2 a.m. appointments.
I love them more because they are with you.

As we lay completely spent
Smiling and snuggled close.
I feel elated and overjoyed
To have this moment to our own.