Elements of an Elusive Feeling

I crack open my window to catch some of the gentle breeze flowing
It flows effortlessly as I blink silent tears away.
How could I let all of my freedom slip away from me?
How could I let you take my heart from me?
You are barely a figment of my reality,
You come and go so infrequently,
It’s a wonder you had time to steal my heart.

But you did. All within a few seconds of gently embracing me.
Caressing my fragile wounded soul and kissing every painful memory away.
You didn’t have to be so kind.
I didn’t expect you to notice the little things,
But there you were,
In my living room, and making your way into my heart.
Embedding yourself into the depth of my eyes
And anchoring a place within my spirit.
I’d rather hate you, you know.
It would all just be so much easier if I could dislike you.

Your inconsistency plays with my emotions.
It does nothing for my fear of committment.
I try to put up a wall to lock you out,
And I’ll do well for a few days until…
You return and knock it down again.
And I am left with a smiling heart and my security shattered
Into dust sized pieces, of which will never form together again.
But it’s okay, I tell myself, until I find myself alone again,
Wondering where you went to this time,
Wondering why you bothered to return if you knew
You were just going to disappear again.

I can’t keep longing for you.
I can’t keep fighting my feelings.
Either you are in, or out, but none of this halfway business.
Please tell me the truth, so that I can set myself free
Of the undulating feeling of wanting to being in love with you.

Whimsical Pleasures

I taste your lips in those intimate places;
Wrap my mind around you like silk sheets.
I adore you in spring time;
In fall you become a little too flaky for me.

I imagine being in yours arms is like a supernatural experience.
I yearn to feel our heartbeats in sync.

Joyous am I when I’m near you.
When the bitter taste of your goodbye doesn’t cripple me into non-existence.
I suppose you are better off just a dream.
When I awake I can write off your inconsistency as mere ficticious rambles of my imagination
And no true portrayal
Of the man I want you so desperately to be.

4th of July

Behind every kiss I feel your hopes and dreams
And aspirations of the type of man you want to be.
What we create is our own fireworks show;
Exploding with noises, sensations, touches, and afterglows.
Theatrics and elements of our passion light up the night sky.
You and I, defy all dimensions of life.

 I feel the moisture of your lips embedded in the corners of my mind.
Those lips that trace road maps all over my body are simply divine.
My juices are flowing, as the passion is exploding.
My body quivers when I feel you growing inside of me.
I can’t speak, just thirst for more.
Pulling you in deeper to reach the walls of my shore.

 Raw and passionate; intense and magnetic.
Time blurs between visions of skin pressed tightly together.
Bed sheets spread about wherever.
Yet every time you beckon me near
I come; I come and find ecstasy there.
And time and space just disappear.

 Throbbing; I’m ready to burst into color.
I squeeze tight and find that together
We’ve discovered forever.
Laying nude in complete adoration and ecstasy.
I’m exhausted; physically and mentally spent.

My New Obsession

My lips have found the greatest pleasure in you;
That’s why I can’t keep them off of your skin.
I can’t sit here and lie to your face
Knowing behind my eyes I’m visualizing
Ripping your clothes off right this very instant.

I crave the possibilities of you.
Whenever I’m close
I feel like a driver that’s lost control.
I’m drawn in by your ambiguity
And curiously enticed by your boyish charm.
Your eyes are inviting;
That smile is ever so teasing.
All the more reason to know how well you please…

Please tell me I invade your thoughts often,
If not briefly,
I don’t want to be the only one.
Did I make you feel as good as you felt to me?
Are my kisses sweet like honey?
Did you find pleasure in the center of my
Warm delight?

I delight myself in those daydreams
That lead me to reveries of you.
Faint glimpses of soft kisses –
Our silhouettes dancing in a darkened room.
I recognize the sliver of moonlight across your face
From the drawn curtains on my window;
Even darkness cannot mask your beauty.

I am completely aware of what this is;
Please make no mistake that because
I choose to treat you so good
I’ve somehow slipped into deeper feelings.
My enchantment comes purely from the sexual pleasure we’ve shared;
For the one night we shared together.
I would like to turn this into a recurrent pleasure….
For you are the object of my new obsession…

The Letter

The anticipation eats away at me:
I don’t know how you will react when you read those words.
Those words that I wrote for you in a love letter,
Enclosing my heart inside the seal that I kissed.
Placing a forever stamp on the envelope
Because that is where you will be in my heart –
Along with all our memories.
It’s been so long since last I saw you.

Far too often I catch myself wandering in the distance
Of thoughts consisting of you, and only you.
I debate whether or not you think of me this way.
I feel manic –
A bit obsessed –
I just can’t seem to get you out of my head.

I wrote that love letter at least 1,000 times.
Took me 13 years to finally come to terms with the truth;
Yes, I love you.
I torture myself over and over
Wondering have I missed the opportunity
Or if you’d even remember…me?

Surely you can’t be
The same person I knew so long ago.
I know I’ve changed –
I wonder if you’d even like the new me?

Each line of my letter is a heart string
That plays a specific melody for
Every year that we could have been together;
Just you and me.
I wanted you to be swept away in adoration
And truly see the tenderness of my love.
You are the epitome of my desire;
The gift I’m now longing to keep.
I didn’t realize it then, but I am aware now
That all I have ever wanted
Was to live in your arms.

Saying What I Feel

I can’t understand why my heart is so deeply in love with you
I told myself our good-byes didn’t mean anything
And now I find myself sitting here crying
Lingering on the broken promise of a future that never was
And never will be.
Well, because you’re you and
I’m me.

How did I end up here?
Why can’t I simply hate you and move on?
You’ve nestled somewhere inside me
So deeply inside that to lose you
Feels like I’m losing a limb.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t think straight.
As the tears moisten the bitterness of my heart
I feel it softly bleeding for you.

How is it you got here?
How did u get the best of me?
How did I not see it coming?
How am I in love….again.

I tremble.
What if this good-bye means forever?
The better part of me wants to scream.
Kick and scream for you to not leave.
Not leave me like all the others before.
But my pride won’t let me.
So I blink those vulnerable tears away
And smile as I hug you one last time.
I try telling myself to let go. Let go.
But I’ve never felt more safe and secure than in your arms.

I said I’d never let you see me cry
But maybe I should.
Maybe I should go out on a limb
And open my heart.
Hell, it’s already broken
What more can hurt?
Rejection, that’s what could hurt.

I’m gonna release you to your future.
And keep the memories of us alive
In the music I listen to.
And reminisce on our kisses when I feel lonely.
And revel in the fact that we were everything we could ever be in our moment
And whether our love is fleeting or lasting
I know in my heart it was real.

In Its Own Time

In due time
I believe I can share with you my heart.
But my heart has been placed in some rather calloused hands
So I’m not as open to giving myself as freely
As you may have once remembered me.
I’ve allowed the wind
To kiss many of my tears away.
It just never could erase the pain.
No, never.
And the memories don’t seem to fade
No matter how much people say
Scars diminish with time…

Whenever you put your arms around me
I can’t help feeling so weak.
It’s such a scary feeling
Being this vulnerable when I’m near you.
It’s too real for me – it’s too raw emotionally.
I’ve never shown that fragile side before to anyone.
No matter how hard I try to push you away
I miss you immediately,
Nothing feels right;
I feel incomplete.
And to my surprise you are always right there –
Right there where I left you when I ran away from what I felt inside.

I assumed all this time that you didn’t love me;
For sure you must not have cared.
You never once put up a fight for me to stay;
You never once wiped a single tear away.
I thought it cruel of you to let me go it alone
Until I realized how much I had grown on my own–
And how much you, in time, had matured, too.
At every moment I ran away
You opened your arms to free me
And I wondered, if you cared so much for me, why let me go?
How do you know that I’ll return?

I presume it’s because when
Two hearts are meant to beat as one
There is no distance that can come between –
No emotion so strong to break –
No one person whom my heart was made for

Other than your own.