The truth about love is….that it is not easy. If it were self-help books on how to find the love you deserve, sad love songs and relationship counselors would not make a profit because there would be no need. However, anything worth having should never come ‘easy’ per se. Now if you are trying to tear down a family to be with someone or putting yourself or any children in jeopardy for this relationship, some reevaluations may be in order.
Little girls grow up watching Disney and believing Prince Charming will come riding over a hill to rescue them and they will live happily ever after. After numerous heartaches and kissing too many frogs I grew to resent Disney. Until I sat back one day and contemplated the bigger picture.
Ideally, when it is real love, you will live happily ever after. Granted, there will be bad days – then there will be even worse than those bad days – but two people who are truly meant to be together will find the strength to battle them out together. When you look at photo albums and throwback Thursday pictures, you aren’t reminiscing on the bad moments in time; you are recalling those cherished moments that bring a smile to your heart. That is what real love is about. Learning to adjust the sail through the rocky seas of life and having someone to enjoy the sunset with. Forever.
Older couples who have been married 50+ years never say the road was easy. They also never say they regret any of the challenges they faced together either. Those challenges strengthened their love for one another and thus they have fulfilled reaching their ‘happily ever after’.
So many people treat marriage as the new dating and dating as casual sex. How is anyone ever to find what’s real in a world of immediate gratification? Love is about being selfless and wanting the best for someone else, even when there is no benefit for yourself. That requires respect. Dedication. Commitment. Perseverance. Trust. It needs a foundation where being vulnerable is embraced and not taken advantage of.
Our “What’s in it for me?” attitude has raped the very nature of what love is supposed to be. With children having children, who is mature enough to teach love and give love in the way it is intended to be expressed?
Relationships and sex will never fill the void of your empty spirit as long as material and superficial metaphors take the place of real love. Real love makes the ground shake. It causes the heavens to open. I’m quite sure someone finds a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, or at least a midget.
Happily ever after isn’t about a fairy tale wedding. Plan for a marriage, not a wedding. The wedding is for family and friends to witness and be part of your union; at the end of the day it’s just you and the one you love. Going into debt, living outside of your means to put on a show won’t guarantee the two of you will make it to ‘ever after’. So look at the motive, the reason, for why you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Divorce should not be an option unless it is life or death.
The thing about real love is….you cannot experience it until you understand what it means to love yourself. When you love yourself, you won’t allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve. You attract quality companions and you remove yourself from the childish games people play. There is no set age of discovery; it is based on when you are mentally and emotionally ready to actualize this.
The Pleasure Principles 
I LOVE this!! Cinderella got to ride off into the sunset, but she had real issues when she got to that palace: for one, she was a peasant moving into a castle–pretty sure she didn’t have the royal etiquette down, and the in-laws probably didn’t think much of her either, especially after meeting her evil stepmother and ugly stepsisters. I was criticized for putting my energy and money into marriage counseling classes and a small civil ceremony, but it just didn’t make sense to me to save all this money to spend on one day and not be ready for the YEARS to come afterward. I want the MARRIAGE not the wedding. Thanks for setting it straight!