Foolish Am I

Have you ever been riding in your car
And heard that one song that
Takes you back to a place and time
Where you were so head over heels in love
And life had purpose?
Next thing you know
You’re lost in thought
About their hugs and kisses
And those sweet conversations
That made night evaporate
Into dawn.
The blissful memories
Of being completely uninhibited
Afraid of nothing and
Lost forever in a time
Where nothing even mattered
But their smile;
Their warm embrace;
The way they spoke your name
And sweetly kissed your forehead.
Those days were forever ago.
I have not felt those feelings since then
And I wonder,
Will I ever be trusting enough
To let my guard down like that again?
To let love engulf me and
Ride away with the wind?
The wind has known my tears
Has kissed them many times.
I have known pain
To never want to feel that helpless again.
Yet here I am
Crying softly wishing you would hear me and
Save me from a lonesome life and
Loveless future without you.
But like before –
You let me down.
It was a mistake to wish for you:
To put my faith in your
Chance for loving me.
I am always gonna be
A fool who loves too hard for you.

The Sorrow of Remembrance

I always loved the ocean.
It’s so giant and scary
Yet calming to ones soul.
On our first date you took me there
To where the ocean whispered
My name.
I felt the waves crash into my soul
As I fell in love with yours.

I was always an open book for you.
A blank slate to write our love story
But you spurned the gift
And spilled my hopes and dreams.
Never again.
I said I would never love that reckless again.
I never wanted to cry that hard.
Never wanted to feel that down.
Yet here I am
Still in love with the idea of what could be.
Wondering what our lives might look like
Had we been given a chance.

My heart remains broken
Into a million tiny pieces
Because I wanted you to want me
But somehow I was never good enough.
Never good enough for someone who
Doesn’t even deserve me.
Yet I love you,
I always will.
I believe my heart was made for you.
I was your rib.
Now I’m just a broken limb.
I’m hollow.

I’ve made peace with my broken spirit.
That what was meant to be
Has run its course.
I won’t resurrect the lifeless passion
Once shared between us
When we were young.
I’ll bury it with dignity
And revel upon its memories from
Time to time.
The time now has come to
Say goodbye my love.
No hard feelings or sorrow
No wants or regrets.
It’s over.

Being Real With Ourselves About Love

At the end of the day you just want someone to be real with. Someone who gets your silent looks and understands those long sighs. Someone you can wear comfy clothing with and not worry about judgment.

So what happens when you have someone but they’re not the someone? They fill the void but you could take or leave their presence. What about if that’s your spouse or life partner? What then?

The answers begin when we become real with ourselves. What unmet desires do we have? Have we voiced them to our significant other? What are their unmet desires? How can we come together so that our relationships refrain from going stale?

We all come with baggage from our past. Some of us are good about unpacking it while some of us are good at pushing it under the bed or in a closet. Depending on how we handle it will ultimately decide on how well we handle conflict and shortcomings in our relationships.

It’s easy to push things to the side and ignore them. Unless it’s on fire – that usually requires immediate attention. Our relationships go through periods of fire, too. Some pressure is good but when the fire is burning out of control it can be very destructive. Destructive relationships are unhealthy and highly toxic. We should all want the very best for ourselves and for our mates but finding that balance takes time, communication and some compromise.

No one thing comprises a relationship. It requires trust, honesty, compassion, respect, hope, love, patience, forgiveness, imagination, playfulness, commitment, vulnerability, and so on. The foundation is a deal breaker. Would you try building a house on sand? I would hope not because you would soon find your house sinking. Would you build with rusty material? The same logic should apply when building a healthy relationship.

Part of loving yourself is doing what is best for yourself. Part of loving someone is wanting the best for them. Without an investment in yourself you will not be your best self for the one you love. It’s not selfish; it’s survival. It’s necessary.

It’s been said to fall in love to give not to receive. If you are the receiver of love would you want the best or the broken pieces of that person? Same goes for them. They want your best, not what’s left after you’ve worn yourself down.

Be real about who you are. Be real about what you want. Be confident in yourself. You deserve good all around you.

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