At the end of the day you just want someone to be real with. Someone who gets your silent looks and understands those long sighs. Someone you can wear comfy clothing with and not worry about judgment.
So what happens when you have someone but they’re not the someone? They fill the void but you could take or leave their presence. What about if that’s your spouse or life partner? What then?
The answers begin when we become real with ourselves. What unmet desires do we have? Have we voiced them to our significant other? What are their unmet desires? How can we come together so that our relationships refrain from going stale?
We all come with baggage from our past. Some of us are good about unpacking it while some of us are good at pushing it under the bed or in a closet. Depending on how we handle it will ultimately decide on how well we handle conflict and shortcomings in our relationships.
It’s easy to push things to the side and ignore them. Unless it’s on fire – that usually requires immediate attention. Our relationships go through periods of fire, too. Some pressure is good but when the fire is burning out of control it can be very destructive. Destructive relationships are unhealthy and highly toxic. We should all want the very best for ourselves and for our mates but finding that balance takes time, communication and some compromise.
No one thing comprises a relationship. It requires trust, honesty, compassion, respect, hope, love, patience, forgiveness, imagination, playfulness, commitment, vulnerability, and so on. The foundation is a deal breaker. Would you try building a house on sand? I would hope not because you would soon find your house sinking. Would you build with rusty material? The same logic should apply when building a healthy relationship.
Part of loving yourself is doing what is best for yourself. Part of loving someone is wanting the best for them. Without an investment in yourself you will not be your best self for the one you love. It’s not selfish; it’s survival. It’s necessary.
It’s been said to fall in love to give not to receive. If you are the receiver of love would you want the best or the broken pieces of that person? Same goes for them. They want your best, not what’s left after you’ve worn yourself down.
Be real about who you are. Be real about what you want. Be confident in yourself. You deserve good all around you.
The Pleasure Principles 